The New Guy

I never thought of myself as gay. That was a word that I simply didn’t use. I couldn’t. I was raised under the conservative values that prohibited such thoughts and actions. The rumors didn’t bother me much…at least that is how I tried to come across. But if you have enough people tell you that you are gay, and you can’t explain the same-sex attractions thing…then it starts to take on a greater possibility. But yes…I was 19, in college, and single. Kind of single…

I mentioned earlier “the new guy.” It was a small college, and each crop of first years was quickly assimilated into the community. There was something different about this guy. Mysterious. Even the campus newspaper fell into the complexity of his ambiguity and ran a front page story on his sorted yet regal background.

His name: Ravi. While he had lived in the area for the past few years, he hailed from Southeast Asia. Without a doubt, Ravi was the most beautiful guy I had ever met. I was ecstatic to learn that I had a class with him! Not just any class….it was choir.

Over the course of that fall semester, Ravi and I became very close friends. I have no idea how it happened. I can’t even tell you if there was one defining moment. The night before I left for Christmas break Ravi came over to my house. I shared a house with three other guys, but that night I was alone. He helped me pack as we watched a movie. After we packed the last of my things, we shared a couch to finish the movie. Without saying anything and without looking at me he slid closer to me. The next thing I knew, Ravi was laying across me, in my arms, with his arms wrapped around my leg…snuggled in for the evening…

This was the first time that I had held another guy. This was the first time that another guy held me. This was the first time that I felt needed, appreciated, and loved…. I knew that my life, from that simple act, was changed forever.

It scared the hell out of me.