The Reinvention

For me, high school was a fairly normal experience. I was active, participated in several extra-curricular activities, and had an amazing group of friends. Sexual orientation was not something that was talked about in my school. Or in my town for that matter. We all had our suspicions about other students, but no one ever said anything.

I wouldn’t classify myself as a serial dater, but I dated my share of girls. My friends were always surprised at the ‘class’ of girls that I would date. I never knew how to take their surprise. Was it criticism, or jealousy? There was one relationship that lasted from the beginning of my senior year well into my freshman year in college. I was in love. Well, I was in love as much as a sexually confused 18 year old could be. The entire time I was in that relationship I knew that something just didn’t feel right. I was doing everything I should be doing. I was going through all the motions of a stable relationship. The problem: I was attracted more to her best friend…her male best friend.

I attended a local community college that first year. Eventually people did start to talk about me….assumptions of me being gay pervaded my daily life. So here are the facts:

• Other people assumed I was gay and told me so.
• I am active in the arts.
• I actually was attracted to guys.
• My biological father is a homosexual.

Did I forget to mention that? Yes, my dad is gay. I haven’t seen him since I was 5. I found out the truth behind my parents divorce when I was about 13 years old. From that day on, my orientation wasn’t far from my mind.

I left for college the following year with the idea of reinventing myself. I did not want to come across as that gay guy in choir. (I was a music major). I attended a school far enough away that no one would know me. My plans of reinvention brought me very close to walking on with the football team. What a better way to not be gay, right? Sure, a bunch of guys in tight pants slapping each other every other second hadn’t crossed my mind as a potential problem. I didn’t go through with it…there were too many schedule conflicts with my academic programs. That’s probably for the best.

For the most part, my first year away was great. There were no vicious rumors, no body talking behind my back, and my roommate was the straightest nerd of a guy you could ever meet. Everything was great. Well, except for the fact that I became friends with and surrounded myself with the best looking guys on campus…

Yes, everything was great. That is, until I went back to school in the fall and met…the new guy…