Out of Avalon

Needless to say, I broke things off with Cali. I never got mad at Ravi for sleeping with my girlfriend. I couldn’t get mad. I never loved her. I was never close to anything close to loving her. Although I was never certain of his motives in sleeping with her, I was certain of hers. Cali was pissed that I, the untouchable Joshua Daniels, would not sleep with her. All Cali wanted was a notch in her bed post with my name next to it.

The strength of my relationship with Ravi allowed me to overcome any feelings of hatred and distain towards him. Some of my friends viewed this as a profound weakness, while others were only more solidified in my alternative lifestyle. A core group of my friends understood my point of view. Of these friends, Gavin, likened my situation with that of the legendary King Arthur and his situation with Lancelot and Guinevere. Thus the “Knights of [university]” was formed. These gentlemen are still my best friends today, four years post undergrad.

I just finished reading the book “Mississippi Sissy.” In it, author Kevin Sessums states that most crushes held by young gay men are not on those they wish to screw, but rather on those they wish they could become. That is what I have been experiencing since middle school. That is what I continued to experience in college. Ravi was the exception. For the first time in my romantic ventures I had fallen for a guy. We talked about it often. Neither one of us were ‘gay,’ but neither one of us could explain what we were.

For the most part, Ravi and I started to spend less and less time with each other. This only magnified the moments that we did spend together. Christian continued his hatred towards everything Ravi, and I enjoyed in taunting him.

Everything was going just fine. I was enjoying being single again. I was well on my way to a successful senior year. I just booked a winter trip to Italy. Yes, everything was going great. That is, until this one time…on choir tour…