Evan

His name was Evan. I have no idea when I first met him. Even now when I think back it seems that I have always known Evan. Either through church or school functions Evan and I had several similar activities. School was out, summer had officially started, and Evan was starting to play a large part in my life.

I remember the first time we went out together, just the two of us. Evan wanted to go to a movie in a neighboring town. It was in this seemingly simple act of going to a movie with a friend that my feelings about Evan changed from “what? We’re just friends,” to “omg omg omg omg I’m not sure what the heck is going on!!” The movie: Hairspray. Afterwards we dropped by my favorite coffee shop and I couldn’t help but flirt with Evan. To this point we had never addressed the issues of orientation.

We talked a lot on the drive home. Everything from past relationships to what we are wanted to get out of life. After a moment of silence Evan looked at me and said, “Ok. I’m bi.” While I wasn’t surprised by this, I was surprised at his open and honest admission. It was at this point that I divulged information concerning my past relationship with Ravi.

Evan and I continued meeting. He was doing a community musical and I would just happen to show up at the end of rehearsal and the two of us would spend time together. Mostly we drove around. While this may have seemed like an odd activity, it was a conducive environment for both of us to open up and talk.

Finally I stopped driving and started asking questions. Why me? Why us? What are “we?” After both of us danced around the questions I asked him why he was attracted to men. (I mostly ask this in order to uncover the answer about myself. Remember: “I’m not gay.”) No reply. I turned in my seat and noticed that Evan was balled up in his seat leaning against the door…softly crying. Yeah…my heart broke at the sight. I gently reached over and took his hand in mine, and in the process made silent admissions about myself. Walls came down.

That was a good night. It was the beginning of something new, something special, and something that was about to change my live forever.