Role of a Lifetime

September turned to October and Evan was back at school. Our phone calls gradually tapered off to only once or twice a week. Then…they stopped completely. I know, I could have called him…but I didn’t. I felt like I was intruding on Evan’s life. Who was I to think that he needed me as much as I needed him? After all, I’m the one who pushed him away; I’m the one who told him I couldn’t be in a relationship with him.

My fall continued. One evening I was on my way back from a rehearsal when I received a call from a friend/colleague. Carol was a musician with the same orchestra I was singing with. I didn’t realize that she had been behind me for most of the drive home. She suggested that we meet at a local bar where some of our friends had already gathered.

After a few drinks everyone was ready to leave...but I wasn’t. Carol seemed interested in another round as well. The bar was empty. It was just me and Carol and the two gals behind the counter. She didn’t waste any time. Carol just straight up asked me if I was involved with Evan. (She also knew him) I couldn’t lie. Carol and I were pretty good friends. If I could tell anyone, I knew it was her. In fact, just the week before I practically begged her to ask me. While she wasn’t exactly shocked, she was stunned that I admitted to it.

The conversation turned towards homosexuality in general. Is it a choice? If so, why make that choice? I just started talking, and she listened. Carol allowed me to share my life story and she didn’t judge me. It was really an amazing moment of self analyzing. I came to the conclusion that I was looking for something and Evan had what I needed. But I didn’t know what that was. (So really, not much was accomplished) I kissed him, and it felt right. I held him, and I was in heaven. I questioned what we were, and felt closer to God. I know that I have always sought male companionship in my life. Mostly I have always wanted a brother…an older brother.

I thought it was just a one time thing…Evan. Surely I wouldn’t fall for another guy. Just as soon as I was starting to put Evan behind me…just as soon as I was ready to not be gay anymore…



(Enter Mitch…fade to black)