A Banana Problem

So Mitch left. As quickly as he entered my life, he was gone. None of the mysteries surrounding him were solved. Before he left, Mitch started a blog to share his new life with all of us back home. This was the only connection I had with him. I checked everyday to see if he had posted anything new. He didn’t post as frequently as I had hoped, but each post was an amazing slice of his new life. I would comment, and Mitch would reply. Slowly we increased our conversations, and even started calling each other. I’ll never forget one phone call that took place on a snowy Sunday afternoon.

He had a concerned tone in his voice and mentioned that he had a problem. Of course, I offered to help anyway I could. He took a deep breath and slowly started telling me his problem. He was standing in his kitchen, and had no idea how to keep the bananas from floating to the top of his Jell-O. THIS was the biggest problem in Mitch’s life and I adored the fact that he called ME to help him figure it out. I had no idea how…

Over several blog posts he had mentioned a new friend…Peter. They seemed to be spending a lot of time together. One post grabbed my attention. The following has been taken directly from Mitch’s blog:

“Today, we were at my apartment, sitting on my couch, I was wrapped in Peter’s arms in the way an older brother loves on his little brother, worship music on softly as God once more took control, Josh began praying over me…..over us …….three days ago I had been praying for Him to open my eyes to the love around me… ……. my eyes closed ……I had to listen to see it……
…………….we were breathing the same breaths….the same rhythm……..synchronized heart beats………….and I saw an image of us two, sitting as we were, strings from my heart connecting to his…..and the strings from his heart connecting to mine….”

I read it over and over again. I wanted to be Peter! I wanted to be the one holding Mitch! What was Mitch saying? I was experiencing jealousy. Before he left, did Mitch want to tell me that he was gay? Why hadn’t he told me?

Mitch mentioned in this blog that being close to Peter made him feel closer to God. That is exactly what I felt when I was with Evan! Mitch was going to be home in a few weeks. I wanted nothing more than to get together with him and learn more. And I did…

Mitch II

My life turned into something normal, routine, and boring. Aside from my job, I didn’t really do too much. I had an amazing group of friends that I would socialize with, but I always felt like I was hiding. We would go out on the weekends, and I would always be on guard. Did the hot foreign exchange student notice me staring? Was I overcompensating? Did they know? It was all too much…

My conversations with Evan had been diluted to the occasional text message. But believe me…I was always excited to get one. Christmas break was approaching and he would be coming home. This would be Evan’s first trip home since Labor Day. Of course, I was excited to see him. Well…he came home, but I didn’t see him much. He wasn’t returning messages, nor was he sending me any texts. Finally I was able to talk with him. Evan explained that he was busy, tired, and really wasn’t sure when he would have time to come over. He was blowing me off. I guess I understood…

Meanwhile, I had been spending more time with Mitch. It was nothing like my relationship with Evan. Mitch and I were friends…just friends. He and I both participated in the local art community and had several mutual friends through church and school. I was starting to notice another similarity between us. Through our conversations it became clear that both Mitch and I were seeking male companionship. We both expressed our lifelong desire to have a brother. We both shared feelings about our [missing] fathers.

One afternoon Mitch informed me that he was leaving. In less than a month he was planning on moving and taking part in a church-based education program about 8 hours away. Initially I was crushed. But the more he explained the program the more I understood that Mitch needed to go. Our time together was different than with other friends. It is hard for me to describe my friendship with Mitch. We never planned to spend time together, but always seemed to enjoy running into each other around town. I would go out of my way at his place of work just to see him, and he would linger at a local coffee shop waiting for me to walk by on my way to work. It was nice.

The day before he left he called me and wanted to meet for lunch. It was a pretty normal lunch for the two of us. But he was nervous. I just assumed that he was anxious about leaving. As we were walking out of the restaurant he said he had something to tell me, but he wasn’t sure I wanted to hear it. I just looked at him...waiting…but he shook it off and changed the subject. My mind was racing! What was he not saying? Was he about to tell me that he was gay? Was he attracted to me? To another guy? I had not told him anything about Evan. It was killing me not knowing, but I didn’t press him for information at all.

I pulled into his driveway, but he didn’t get out of the truck. Since this was the eve of his journey I asked if I could pray with/for him. I did.

“That means more than you know,” he said as I walked him to the door. With that, Mitch hugged me. He had never done that before. This was an incredible hug. His arms were wrapped completely around me in the tightest lock I had ever been in before. With a tear in his eye Mitch walked through the door.

It was only while Mitch was gone that I learned more about him…

Hiding

During that four week break between graduation and the start of my new job I got together with Krista and Britton at a central location. We had a long full day of fun and adventure in the big city. At the end of the evening we all hesitated to say good-bye. We stood awkwardly beside Britton’s truck and completely avoided the fact that we had no idea when the next reunion would be. At a lull in the conversation Krista wrapped her arms around me and Britton and pulled us all in to a great big group hug. I’m sure this must have looked exceptionally odd with Britton being a foot taller than me. (But trust me, I wasn’t complaining.)

There were sniffles all around. I’m pretty sure we were all crying a little. Britton hugged Krista, Krista hugged me, I hugged Krista… Then Britton put both of his hands on my shoulders and spoke words that I will not soon forget. Yeah…I cried…a lot. So did he. Then his arms, his long strong arms wrapped around me. Heaven. It was an intoxicating moment. He pulled away and was unable to even speak. Britton was crying his eyes out. Sobbing, he walked over to his truck and drove away. Krista, still at my side, said, “Its really too bad you boys aren’t gay. You’d be too cute together.”

I awkwardly laughed and offered to drive her across the parking lot to her car. We lingered and talked for a few minutes, but then we too parted. Since then I have not seen Britton. I was unable to attend his wedding, but he did call me on the way to the airport before he left for his honeymoon.

So for that two year period I felt like I was hiding my true self. I felt especially bad about this concerning my relationship with Krista. I had turned her down several times without giving a good explanation. But I was doing what I thought needed to be done.

Just as I thought I had everything under control, something happened that changed my life. Before I even knew what was happening I was in deep. I was on the verge of entering a whole new phase of my life.

Yes. You are right. Josh is about to meet a boy.